I met Heidi when we were both in college at Brigham Young University. She was an innocent young fresh(wo)man and I was a first-year senior (yup, I had two senior years…thanks freshman year music major!). The full, true story of how we met (as opposed to Heidi’s nonsensical, made-up version) will have to wait for another day. But I will say, one of the (millions, upon millions of) things that attracted me to her was (is) her innocence and gentle nature.
So, leave it to me to use this against her and leave her a sobbing heap on the floor.
No, seriously, I did. Not even 1 year into our marriage. Yeah, it’s a miracle she still loves me. (You do, right? Maybe you shouldn’t read the last paragraph, then…)
One day, Heidi and I were sitting in our apartment and I was using the computer. I was sitting at a desk that I had stayed up an extra few hours one night to assemble, all by myself, as a surprise to Heidi (see, I’m not all bad). While checking my email at said masterfully assembled desk, I came upon a video that had been forwarded to me by a friend from college (I think). It was purported to be a commercial for an energy drink company.
So, I watched it, with headphones on and thought it was hilarious. I won’t give it away but there’s a surprise ending. Giddy from laughing at this thing, I decided it would be funny to show it to Heidi. Obviously, I’m a big dummy.
I called her in there and told her this was a hilarious video and she needed to put the headphones on and watch it. I decided to enhance the experience by telling her she needed to pay close attention and lean forward, close to the screen, to catch it all. Being the sweet, trusting woman she is, she did exactly as I asked her to do.
In order for you to understand the magnitude of my stupidity, you will need to watch the video. You can see it here. I’m warning you now, though, that if you’re at all skittish, DO NOT WATCH IT! You have been warned. If you choose, watch it and come back.
Back? Did you change your pants? Good.
Not only did I enhance the experience as described above, but I also hung back and crouched, like a tiger waiting for it’s prey, for just the right moment to leap at Heidi and scare her.
And holy chicken, did I ever scare her. As best as I can describe it, she shrieked the words “OHHH, DON’T DO THAT!!” like a woman in an old horror movie. She leapt out of the seat and fell onto the floor, a sobbing heap.
I sat there and held her while she sobbed into my shoulder. I apologized profusely and swore I would never do anything like that again. I haven’t and to this day, when people send us those things over email, I make sure to warn her before she watches it.
But you know what the worst part of the whole thing was? While I sat on the floor, rocking with my sobbing, distraught new bride, it took all the effort I could muster not to smile and giggle at how perfectly I had executed my plan and how big the reaction was.
Yeah, I suck.