Is There Such Thing As An Anti-Vote?

Well, it’s election year (has been for about six months, I think) and I still haven’t decided who to vote for. We still have 11 months left, but it seems like most people already know what they want.

I don’t know what I want, but I do know what I don’t want. It’s too bad I can’t cast an anti-vote and say, “Here’s who I don’t want”. Oh well, here’s the list of who I won’t be voting for:

Democrats

• Hillary Clinton – I fundamentally disagree with almost everything she’s about – universal health care, abortion rights, Iraq war, etc. If I wanted to live in a socialist country, I’d move to France
• Barak Obama – Same as above, except he’s a classier guy than she is a lady.
• John Edwards – This guy scares the **** (and you can pretty much substitute any four-letter word there) out of me. He openly hates corporations and wants to punish them. Excuse me, but I work for a corporation. If you cost them a bunch of money, I might lose my job. Go move to France, where corporation-hating is a way of life. Also, he’s made his entire living suing corporations for tenuous reasons and then taking a cut. He represents everything I hate about our legal system. If he’s elected, I fear a depression.

Republicans

• John McCain – He’s the most Democratic Republican running. That’s enough for me.
• Rudy Giuliani – Okay, he’s like the mobsters who bully you for “protection” money. Every 5 seconds he says “9-11″. Guess what, Rudy, even if somebody else was the mayor of NYC during 9-11, it would have done just as well, if not better. Come off it.
• Mike Huckabee – Not only does he hate free speech, he’s publicly stated he wants to rewrite the Constitution to conform to God’s standards. Not only do I not think that’s a good idea in general, but I really doubt I would agree with his idea of what God’s standards are. How is he even a candidate? No, seriously?

So, I’m down to two candidates I could possibly vote for:

• Mitt Romney – I feel like he’s disingenuous and willing to change his position to get elected. That makes me nervous.
• Ron Paul – That racist thing shook me, I’ll admit it. But the president of the NAACP said Ron Paul isn’t a racist. That’s good enough for me. The NAACP should know racists. They call their people “Colored Persons”.

What, you ask, is stopping me from supporting Ron Paul? Nothing. I will support him in the primaries and probably vote for him then. But, when he drops out, I’ll probably have to vote for Mitt. I guess I’m okay with that. Except he’s just declared that the following three things that I’m against are very important to him:

• A protectionist agenda to keep jobs here (Yea, let’s force American’s to keep crappy jobs instead of creating new and better ones and then training them. This is probably the biggest reason why I hate unions).
• Universal Health Care – Because I’m too much of a dummy to decide when I can afford health insurance. Thanks for that.
• Border security – Because 9-11 was wrought by Mexicans and Canadians. Also, we can’t keep letting people come to our country and work in jobs we wouldn’t take, even if they paid us enough, and work for less than we say they should. They’re just too stupid to decide for themselves how much is enough. Good thing we have liberals to tell us.