On the Freakonomics Blog today, there is an interesting post about why women might be unhappy. They posit 4 reasons, most of them to do with data biases. The reasons are interesting and make sense but Victoria Randell made an observation in the comments that I think gets more at the real reason:
“Why when we’re looking at equality do we only look at work? sure we’re doing better there but the glass ceiling is at home. Before we had full time jobs at home, now we have full time paid jobs then come home and have another full time job. and we call this progress?”
Scenario 1:
- You have no boss
- Your one co-worker is in love with you and you with them
- You set your own schedule
- You work hard and the work always improves the quality of life of those you work for/with
- You have no commute
- You have the option of leaving your primary office when you want to run errands, go to museums, etc.
- You can eat whatever you want for lunch
- You can do whatever you want because you’re in charge
Scenario 2:
- You have a boss who may or may not care about you
- You have many co-workers that don’t love you, may not like you and may want your job
- You don’t set your own schedule
- Your work may/may not be important and there may be downtime where you sit there
- You have a commute
- You can’t leave during the day unless it’s at lunch
- You have to bring your lunch or eat out
- All rights are based on what’s “fair” for you and your co-workers; little to no individual circumstances are considered (e.g., dress code, hours)
Somehow the feminist movement convinced women that Scenario 2 is what they wanted. If I picked Scenario 2 over Scenario 1, I’d be unhappy, too.
Great post! I loved that quote and agree 100%. When I worked full-time, I always felt like I gave my best at work and you got what was leftover each night. I knew I didn’t want that once we had children.
I also didn’t want to have to split my efforts between two important things, yet never feel like I was doing either as well as I could. Does that make sense? So, I picked the one that was obviously more important and concentrate all my energies on that. I never want to look back and have regrets and wish I’d given more time to my family. Or wonder if things could have turned out better if I hadn’t worked.
This topic always reminds me of that wonderful quote (who is it from?) about no worldly success can compensate for failure within the home. That’s the perfect perspective.
One last thing…
It has taken me all of these last five months to adjust to being at home and making my own schedule. I got so used to being stressed and going 90 miles a minute at full speed, that it’s really taken time for me to unwind and be relaxed about living slower with Bubbers. Now it’s great and feels normal, but there definitely was that adjustment period.
Thanks, Love!
Really, Charlotte? Wow–I just thought you wanted to or needed to. I wonder how many other women are in situations similar to yours… Also, what’s his reasoning? Does he think you need the money? Or does he just think you have the time/inclination?
There’s also an underlying expectation that once all of the children are in school than a woman should/would go back to work. As if all the work goes away because the kids are gone for a while. (And as if the mom hasn’t earned some time to herself to do whatever she wants!)
Interesting post, m. One thing you didn’t mention though (I haven’t read the freakonomics article yet so I don’t know if they do either): that MEN have been equally as brainwashed by the feminist movement. My husband expects me to have a job – at least of the part-time variety – in addition to my full-time job at home. He’s not trying to be mean, he was just raised that way. And I’ve discovered it creates much less stress in our marriage if I go along with it. Still though, I’d quit my job in a heartbeat if he gave me the okay.
I know that my husband is not the only one who feels this way too. Men soak up all those media messages as well as us women:)
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